Dating

Dating can be a great experience. It's exciting to get to know a new person, and going to fun places and spending one-on-one time.

It is also the time your radar should be up. It needs to be on high alert so you can determine whether this person is of high quality and that they are who they present themselves to be.

It is a fact of human nature to be on our best behavior, to show our best side, and to charm when pursuing another person (courting). It's also a fact that a predator-minded people will be on their best behavior and very charming when pursuing their target, or victim.

Statistically, 85-93% of victimizations of women and children are by someone familiar to the victim. This means a friend, neighbor, co-worker, husband, boyfriend, etc. Every two minutes in the United States a sexual assault occurs – that is more than 280,000 victims a year. We tell you this not to put you in fear, but to get your attention.

The goal of our SafeU program is to use awareness and tools to identify the predator. We want you to be informed and educated, as well as in a position of strength and confidence -- not reactive.

By applying what we teach, at the very least, you can eliminate harmful people from your life, and at the most, deflect the very person who could end your life.

The following tips can help you weed out the potential deceiver:

• You can gauge the intentions of this new prospect by pre-determining your boundaries. It's like a test for your new date. Whether intentional or not, if your pre-determined boundaries are invaded, and you defend them by communicating the offense, a good person will respect the request. However, the ill intentioned person will keep trying and they will use many tools to try to get what they want -- which is control. It will all be disguised in a cloak of playfulness and charm, but it should be seen as the early signs of predatory behavior.

• Trust. We should never give our trust away just because of a smile or the impression of nice. Our trust must be earned. Trust is proven over time and by consistent action.

• Suggestions:
- Meet in populated areas.
- Let people know who you're meeting and where you're going.
- Have an exit strategy. If the date is not going well have a fake appointment or obligation (if it’s going well you can always “cancel” that “obligation”).
- Drive separately. Driving separately keeps you in control of where you go and when you leave.

• Stay focused. I have a 25-year-old friend. She had met someone new and was telling me she wanted to stay focused on getting to know his personality, etc. Her challenge was to not be side tracked by how attractive he was. She is a very wise young lady, but all too often it is easy to overlook the signs as to whether this person is good for us, or bad for us, just because we find them physically attractive.

• Take opportunities in social environments to observe the behavior of this new interest. Do they act differently in social situations than when you're alone with them? If so, you may want to keep the radar up and pay attention, it may be a red flag.

There are many signs and signals in someone's behavior that can identify whether they are dangerous or unhealthy for you. Let us know if you have any concerns.