Predator and Pedophile databases

During this past election season, we heard a lot of talk aimed at parents about predator and pedophile databases. When you hear this type of rhetoric, do not resign yourself to feeling that elected officials and the police are keeping you safe. The fact is, a crime has to be committed for the police to fight it. We define safety as certain knowledge that prevents the crime from ever happening. Laws and the police are important, but they are only one piece of the puzzle. Some fundamental ways to avoid victimizations are:

- Do not gain a false sense of confidence because of a new predator or pedophile database or law.

- In order for there to be a database, the crime already happened. You don't want to be the one victim that puts the predator or pedophile in the database.

- Talk and Tell. Children and parents need to Talk and Tell about their day. You can learn a lot about who your child's friends are and what they're doing.

- Learn how to identify predators. According to statistics from the Department of Justice, FBI and National Victims Center, 85% of attacks on women and children are from someone familiar to the victim -- classmate, friend of a friend, neighbor, relative, spouse or boyfriend, workmate or new acquaintance. If being safe to you means looking out for strangers, you'll never see the real threats until it's too late.

- Teach your children about boundaries. Have them predetermine how they want to be treated. If they allow an invasion of their boundaries it sends a message that they can be controlled. This is a major attractor for the predator.

- Use the buddy system. Predators generally need two things to be successful: privacy and control. For a predator, it's less appealing to try to control two people, and the buddy system certainly eliminates privacy.

- Know where your children are. If something happens, you'll need to know where to look for them. Convey to teens that this will not diminish their independence; it will gain your trust.